Wakela Runen's World

My mom finally passed away last night. I wish I could say that it was completely peaceful. She was gasping for air at the end. I am just so glad that she is no longer in any pain. Her pain had become her existence. That is no way to be. She can now be at peace. I may only have a few friends, but I am thankful for the ones that I do have. Even those that I have met over the internet. All of those cyberhugs help!! Thank you for all of your support.

Well, mom's pain was totally unbearable last night. I kept my head on though. The ibuprofen wasn't working & the restoril for sleep wasn't helping either. So I called the hospice nurse. They got an order from the doctor to open the comfort pack and give her some morphin. In the meantime, they would be sending a nurse over to evaluate the situation. So I gave her .25 ml like they told me on the phone. They said if that didn't help her in 45 minutes, I could give her another .25 ml. I ended up giving her the 2nd dose. The nurse got to the house shortly after she fell asleep. He checked her out. They are going to put her on continuous care temporarily until she is out of the pain zone. I had to give her another dose at 2am. Since she barely opened her eyes when I tried giving it to her, I only gave her the .25 ml instead of the .5 ml. I am afraid of giving too much. I know that the nurse said I could give her .5 ml, but she just was so out of it. They have sent another

Well, my mom is doing much worse. We don't think she will last much longer at all. With all the pain that she is in, I hope it is a smooth transition for her. She just lays in bed and cries all the time. She had a lucid moment last night & said that she doesn't think she will last until Christmas. My uncle Jack and cousin Bruce came down from Canada. They will be stopping by this afternoon to say their goodbyes.

For ages, I have been reading an online comic called " Penny Arcade " about these gamers. Those who are gamers or who are friends of gamers will fully understand these comics. Anyway, the creators of this comic felt that as gamers, we are always being slighted in the media for the cause of many problems. They decided to create a charity to help children. This charity is really great. Its called Child's Play . They utilize Amazon to send items that are purchased to various children's hospitals for the holidays. Even if you aren't a gamer, this is a great charity to get involved with.

I honestly am not sure what is going on with my body. I really think that I need to head to the doctor again. I am not as tired as I used to be. However, I am having a multitude of other symptoms going on. Lately, my fingers & toes have been turning purplish and going numb. The other day, my legs from my knees down went ice cold and felt weird. I have also been having tons of leg cramps. My breathing has become much more shallow. I have also been having strange muscle spasms (or at least that is the only thing I can figure to call them). My fingers, arms, and legs have actually started moving themselves. All of a sudden, my fingers will start moving side to side or flexing and extending. It is pretty rough when you are trying to write or hold onto something. I have also noticed that my eyes keep going dry on me and so does my throat. It actually feels like there is constantly a huge lump in my throat. I know that my thyroid is slightly enlarged, but I have never been

Well, I found out last night that one of my cousin's had passed away. He was in a very bad motorcycle accident a few years ago. He was DOA at the hospital. They were able to revive him. His health was pretty bad after that. He died in his sleep on Thursday night. They think that his heart had given out. I just hope that he went peacefully and didn't suffer. May Wayne rest in peace I also got a call from my sister Brenda today. My mom's knee seems to be getting worse. I am not staying with her right now. I am staying at my sister Debbie's house. Nancy and Brenda are talking about taking my mom to the emergency room if it gets any worse.

Teetering on the brink of madness Winds of life sweeping me over the edge Falling deeper into the chasm Wrapping myself up in the cold blanket of the abyss Darkness envelopes my heart Emptiness runs through my veins Plummeting towards the bottom The ground rushing up on me Only to look over and see the edge of another cliff Waiting for the next wind to start it all again