Its a Hard Knock Life
To start from the beginning would be to start with my mom. She was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis when she was only 16. This is an auto-immune disease that affects the joints and muscles. Slowly over the years, her body was being beaten up by her own immune system.
I know it was hard for her going through life. Unfortunately, when I was younger she always made us feel like we didn't know what it was like to be sick. That since she was going through this horrible thing, only she knew. So when we did get sick, it was sort of written off until it was really bad.
When I was young, I was constantly having ear and throat infections. The pain would get unbearable. They finally stopped when I reached middle school.
I had a couple of years living normally. Then when I was 14, I started throwing up frequently. My mom kept threatening to have me commited since she thought that I was forcing myself to do it. I wasn't but I just couldn't convince her. It wasn't until I was 16 that I was finally diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It was finally proven that I really did have something wrong and I wasn't forcing myself to throw up.
Thankfully, throughout the years, my symptoms have changed. I don't throw up constantly like I did.
When I was 16, I also had to watch my father die of cancer. It was extremely horrible. I was daddy's little girl. I remember after he died, sitting there waiting for him to come home. I would often get angry at him for leaving me with my mom. I would get angry that she was alive and he wasn't. She was the sick one. He was the healthy one. I also got angry that maybe he had been feeling sick for awhile, but didn't say anything because of my mom. Because no one knew what it was like to be sick except her. You only complained when it was too much to handle.
After his death is when I first started getting depressed. I remember wanting nothing more then to die. I was collecting various pills in a bottle. I was planning on taking them if I ever got up the nerve. I never did. I ended up eventually flushing them down the toilet years later.
In my early 20s I had two children. I had problems with both pregnancies. During the pregnancy with my son, I was throwing up all the time. It was so bad that they hospitalized me for it. With my daughter, I went into premature labor. During these pregnancies and for awhile after, I got extremely tired and gained massive amounts of weight. I couldn't stay focused. I was getting extremely depressed. Everyone was just calling me lazy. Now one cared that I was sick. No one believed that I was sick.
When I was 26 I went to a doctor to find out what was wrong. He immediately told me that it was because I was overweight and eating the wrong things. He put me on Redux without doing any lab tests. I didn't lose any weight on it. I also didn't stay on it very long.
When I was 27, I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I finally had a name to my problem. I finally had someone listening to me. The doctors immediately put me on synthroid. It wasn't helping me at all. I just kept getting worse. I was thrown from doctor to doctor. I even went for a period of 2 years without any medical attention due to lack of insurance.
During all of this, my mom started seeing that I truly was sick and wasn't making any of it up. She started to be less hard on me.
Finally, I met a great doctor in November 2005. Dr. West-Ky Abrams changed my life. He actually listened to me. It was difficult to find an endocrinologist that I hadn't been too before. However he did. He sent me there and I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I too had an auto-immune disease. My immune system was attacking my thyroid.
It was during this time that I finally felt my mom's love. I really wish it didn't come down to me being sick to finally get it. But I was going to take it at any cost.
Anyway, that doctor wanted to switch me back to synthroid even though levoxyl was working better for me. The levoxyl wasn't getting my labs within normal limits, but at least I was much closer then before.
August of 2006, my mom went in for a knee replacement. She ended up in ICU after the surgery. Her health declined. Her insurance first kicked her out of the hospital, then out of a nursing home. We was having to lift her in and out of the wheelchair. We was changing her diapers and having to help feed her. Finally in December it got too much. Her pain was intense. We called in hospice care since the doctors didn't think she had much longer. The first night on hospice care, we had to give her liquid morphine. I sat and cried as I did it. Even though she had been sick all of her life, she had been extremely strong. She overcame whatever was thrown at her. Here she was, reduced to basically nothing. Within one week of being on hospice, she passed away at home.
Dr. Abrams gave me some anti-depressants to help me through it. He finally sent me to see Dr. Abelove. He put me on Armour Thyroid. This has helped me greatly. The first time during all of this ordeal, I am having normal lab values. I can't believe it.
Now I am being told, that I am insulin resistant. That means that my body is having trouble with sugar and insulin. If I don't get it fixed now, I will become diabetic.
So here I am, on a strict diet. Trying to fight off yet another illness. I will do it. I won't give in. I will be a fighter like my mom.
I know it was hard for her going through life. Unfortunately, when I was younger she always made us feel like we didn't know what it was like to be sick. That since she was going through this horrible thing, only she knew. So when we did get sick, it was sort of written off until it was really bad.
When I was young, I was constantly having ear and throat infections. The pain would get unbearable. They finally stopped when I reached middle school.
I had a couple of years living normally. Then when I was 14, I started throwing up frequently. My mom kept threatening to have me commited since she thought that I was forcing myself to do it. I wasn't but I just couldn't convince her. It wasn't until I was 16 that I was finally diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It was finally proven that I really did have something wrong and I wasn't forcing myself to throw up.
Thankfully, throughout the years, my symptoms have changed. I don't throw up constantly like I did.
When I was 16, I also had to watch my father die of cancer. It was extremely horrible. I was daddy's little girl. I remember after he died, sitting there waiting for him to come home. I would often get angry at him for leaving me with my mom. I would get angry that she was alive and he wasn't. She was the sick one. He was the healthy one. I also got angry that maybe he had been feeling sick for awhile, but didn't say anything because of my mom. Because no one knew what it was like to be sick except her. You only complained when it was too much to handle.
After his death is when I first started getting depressed. I remember wanting nothing more then to die. I was collecting various pills in a bottle. I was planning on taking them if I ever got up the nerve. I never did. I ended up eventually flushing them down the toilet years later.
In my early 20s I had two children. I had problems with both pregnancies. During the pregnancy with my son, I was throwing up all the time. It was so bad that they hospitalized me for it. With my daughter, I went into premature labor. During these pregnancies and for awhile after, I got extremely tired and gained massive amounts of weight. I couldn't stay focused. I was getting extremely depressed. Everyone was just calling me lazy. Now one cared that I was sick. No one believed that I was sick.
When I was 26 I went to a doctor to find out what was wrong. He immediately told me that it was because I was overweight and eating the wrong things. He put me on Redux without doing any lab tests. I didn't lose any weight on it. I also didn't stay on it very long.
When I was 27, I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I finally had a name to my problem. I finally had someone listening to me. The doctors immediately put me on synthroid. It wasn't helping me at all. I just kept getting worse. I was thrown from doctor to doctor. I even went for a period of 2 years without any medical attention due to lack of insurance.
During all of this, my mom started seeing that I truly was sick and wasn't making any of it up. She started to be less hard on me.
Finally, I met a great doctor in November 2005. Dr. West-Ky Abrams changed my life. He actually listened to me. It was difficult to find an endocrinologist that I hadn't been too before. However he did. He sent me there and I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I too had an auto-immune disease. My immune system was attacking my thyroid.
It was during this time that I finally felt my mom's love. I really wish it didn't come down to me being sick to finally get it. But I was going to take it at any cost.
Anyway, that doctor wanted to switch me back to synthroid even though levoxyl was working better for me. The levoxyl wasn't getting my labs within normal limits, but at least I was much closer then before.
August of 2006, my mom went in for a knee replacement. She ended up in ICU after the surgery. Her health declined. Her insurance first kicked her out of the hospital, then out of a nursing home. We was having to lift her in and out of the wheelchair. We was changing her diapers and having to help feed her. Finally in December it got too much. Her pain was intense. We called in hospice care since the doctors didn't think she had much longer. The first night on hospice care, we had to give her liquid morphine. I sat and cried as I did it. Even though she had been sick all of her life, she had been extremely strong. She overcame whatever was thrown at her. Here she was, reduced to basically nothing. Within one week of being on hospice, she passed away at home.
Dr. Abrams gave me some anti-depressants to help me through it. He finally sent me to see Dr. Abelove. He put me on Armour Thyroid. This has helped me greatly. The first time during all of this ordeal, I am having normal lab values. I can't believe it.
Now I am being told, that I am insulin resistant. That means that my body is having trouble with sugar and insulin. If I don't get it fixed now, I will become diabetic.
So here I am, on a strict diet. Trying to fight off yet another illness. I will do it. I won't give in. I will be a fighter like my mom.
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