Wakela Runen's World

Yesterday was a complete shock. Yes I hear from Alex every now and then. So hearing from him the other day wasn't a big deal. He is constantly bugging me every few months or so. I believe the last time he bugged me was about a year ago. However, yesterday I heard from Capt. Joe!!! I hadn't heard from him in years. It was so great to catch up with him. He was shocked how many people from the old crew that I had kept in contact with or at least knew what was going on in their lives. I did get his cell phone number so we can keep in contact. He wants a bunch of us to get together and go out to dinner or something. That way we can catch up. It was really great to hear from him!!

Wow! I had a total blast from the past the other day. I am really not sure how I feel about it. There was a guy who I had been friends with ages ago. After my divorce, we started seeing more of each other. We became more then friends. I thought there was more to it then there was. He kept popping in and out of my life. Each time, he would leave my life I would get upset. I know my friend Krysta basically told me that I can't talk to him anymore. Well, the last few times he has contacted me, I have done good. He contacted me about a year ago and I didn't meet up with him. I knew where it was going to lead. Well, he once again contacted me. I realized that it is getting easier and easier to say no to him. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone then to continue to allow myself to be walked all over by men. I know that some people are concerned about this attitude. If they had been my friend through all the trash that I have dated, then they would agree. I k

Sitting alone in silence Nothing but my thoughts Darkness takes over Chilling my heart A tear slips down my cheek Icy trail of salty emotion Alone and empty With no where to turn And no where to go Silence is no longer golden It is dark and dismel It pushes in on my soul Taking me over so that I am empty Devoid of humanity Just a shell of what I once was Where is the bliss I was promised Its beyond my reach I see people smiling Don't they know there isn't a reason to go on?

My mom finally passed away last night. I wish I could say that it was completely peaceful. She was gasping for air at the end. I am just so glad that she is no longer in any pain. Her pain had become her existence. That is no way to be. She can now be at peace. I may only have a few friends, but I am thankful for the ones that I do have. Even those that I have met over the internet. All of those cyberhugs help!! Thank you for all of your support.

Well, mom's pain was totally unbearable last night. I kept my head on though. The ibuprofen wasn't working & the restoril for sleep wasn't helping either. So I called the hospice nurse. They got an order from the doctor to open the comfort pack and give her some morphin. In the meantime, they would be sending a nurse over to evaluate the situation. So I gave her .25 ml like they told me on the phone. They said if that didn't help her in 45 minutes, I could give her another .25 ml. I ended up giving her the 2nd dose. The nurse got to the house shortly after she fell asleep. He checked her out. They are going to put her on continuous care temporarily until she is out of the pain zone. I had to give her another dose at 2am. Since she barely opened her eyes when I tried giving it to her, I only gave her the .25 ml instead of the .5 ml. I am afraid of giving too much. I know that the nurse said I could give her .5 ml, but she just was so out of it. They have sent another

Well, my mom is doing much worse. We don't think she will last much longer at all. With all the pain that she is in, I hope it is a smooth transition for her. She just lays in bed and cries all the time. She had a lucid moment last night & said that she doesn't think she will last until Christmas. My uncle Jack and cousin Bruce came down from Canada. They will be stopping by this afternoon to say their goodbyes.

For ages, I have been reading an online comic called " Penny Arcade " about these gamers. Those who are gamers or who are friends of gamers will fully understand these comics. Anyway, the creators of this comic felt that as gamers, we are always being slighted in the media for the cause of many problems. They decided to create a charity to help children. This charity is really great. Its called Child's Play . They utilize Amazon to send items that are purchased to various children's hospitals for the holidays. Even if you aren't a gamer, this is a great charity to get involved with.