Wakela Runen's World

Well, everything is all moved over. This totally sucks!! I hate it here. My computer is downstairs. I have it hooked up and I am using boxes to create a desk. Brenda offered to buy one and I pay her back later. I am just too tired and depressed to go to a store. I don't have internet access at the moment. I need to get a wireless router set up in order to even do that. Debbie offered to let me set my computer & desk up in her office. She was supposed to move the couch out so I could set it up. She knew that I would be completely moved over as of today. Do you think anything is moved? Of course not!! I hate my life!!

My body is completely ready to break down. I was up until almost 1am trying to clean & pack more. I ended up with 2 more huge black bags of stuff I am tossing out. However, it feels like I am not even making a dent in this stuff. Then I end up waking up at 5 am and puking for who knows what reason. I am having a lot of difficulties breathing lately. My heart has been feeling fluttery again. I literally feel like I could just drop.

A few years ago, my mom had read a book called "Messengers" by Julia Ingram and GW Hardin. This book is supposedly a true story about a man named Nick Bunick who is able to communicate with angels. Nick states that one of the main ways that the angels communicate with us is through 444. He had started noticing that the number kept appearing in various ways whenever the angels were with him, such as time, signs, etc. Well, today I was very upset and depressed. I was to the point that I wanted to walk out on my job. I finally left the office around 3pm to go get lunch. At Burger King, I ordered the Angus combo. This should have cost me a little over $5 since the base price without tax is $5.07. However, some way my bill came out to $4.44. I asked the guy if the total was correct. He said that it was. When I got the receipt none of it made sense. It was talking about the angus as only 98 cents and some fish sandwich. My order was completely correct though. I got th

Well life has been totally sucky!! I am having to move in with Debbie & Steve. Their house is a total disaster area. There are boxes everywhere there. Nancy, Brenda & I went over to start moving some of my stuff there this weekend. The room that I am supposed to have still had some of their crap in it. That slowed us down a bit. We had to move that out. My body aches from head to toe. I have been puking all morning. I am pushing my body past its limits. But I need to. I have to be completely out of here for next weekend. I only have a little bit more to pack and move over there. Then I can completely just pass out. I keep ignoring the chest pains I have been having. I am not sure if they are anxiety related, stress related, or heart related. I have been putting off having my cardiac panel done again because I know its still going to be way too high.

Yesterday was a complete shock. Yes I hear from Alex every now and then. So hearing from him the other day wasn't a big deal. He is constantly bugging me every few months or so. I believe the last time he bugged me was about a year ago. However, yesterday I heard from Capt. Joe!!! I hadn't heard from him in years. It was so great to catch up with him. He was shocked how many people from the old crew that I had kept in contact with or at least knew what was going on in their lives. I did get his cell phone number so we can keep in contact. He wants a bunch of us to get together and go out to dinner or something. That way we can catch up. It was really great to hear from him!!

Wow! I had a total blast from the past the other day. I am really not sure how I feel about it. There was a guy who I had been friends with ages ago. After my divorce, we started seeing more of each other. We became more then friends. I thought there was more to it then there was. He kept popping in and out of my life. Each time, he would leave my life I would get upset. I know my friend Krysta basically told me that I can't talk to him anymore. Well, the last few times he has contacted me, I have done good. He contacted me about a year ago and I didn't meet up with him. I knew where it was going to lead. Well, he once again contacted me. I realized that it is getting easier and easier to say no to him. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone then to continue to allow myself to be walked all over by men. I know that some people are concerned about this attitude. If they had been my friend through all the trash that I have dated, then they would agree. I k

Sitting alone in silence Nothing but my thoughts Darkness takes over Chilling my heart A tear slips down my cheek Icy trail of salty emotion Alone and empty With no where to turn And no where to go Silence is no longer golden It is dark and dismel It pushes in on my soul Taking me over so that I am empty Devoid of humanity Just a shell of what I once was Where is the bliss I was promised Its beyond my reach I see people smiling Don't they know there isn't a reason to go on?